Well, yesterday I went to see the Oncologist for the results of my Ultrasound. I was pretty confident that it was all going to be good news because as SJ would say, there appears to be less marbles in the bag! (meaning that my boob is not so lumpy!). You may have seen from an earlier post that I can’t feel the lump in my armpit at all now.
So being told the results were ‘mixed’ was, I have to say, a bit of a blow.
However, let’s start with the positives:
Number 1, the Oncologist I saw was Briony, she was on loan from Bournemouth. She was lovely, unlike the YTS version I got last time. Very organised, listened, had a laugh and very confident in what she was talking about.
Number 2 – one of the lumps which was 36mm is now 17mm, one which was 36.5 mm is now 20mm x 18mm and one which was 8mm is now 6x4mm.
Number 3 – I actually got a print of the Ultrasound report so I can see exactly what it says. When people ask questions, I can just thrust that in their face!
However, the downside is that they found ‘at least’ 3 more lumps, the maximum size being 9mm. Now, that sounds grim, but what Briony explained was that it’s possible that they were there before, but just not picked up. It’s impossible to know now. However, apparently, it is possible that they are new members of the family and have raised their ugly heads in spite of the FEC Chemo I am having.
So…the outcome is that from this Friday’s treatment, they are changing my drug. To Docetaxel. I will still only have 3 more treatments, at 3 week intervals, as previously with the FEC. They administer it slightly differently, in that it’s a drip, not syringes.
The list of side effects are pretty much the same, but with a few different ones possible – numb/tingly fingers, sore palms and soles of feet and fat ankles (I think the term is water retention, but same thing, eh?!) and aches.
For the first time yesterday, I felt really down when I left the hospital. The sky was grey and it rained on me as I walked to get the car. It summed up my mood. I didn’t cry. I just felt like as I walked, my shoulders could have been dragging on the ground. Anyone studying body language would have had a field day with me yesterday. How I wish there was some way to know whether these are new lumps or whether they were there all along. And back to the unknown with regard to knowing how I am going to feel after chemo.
My gums still hurt, though differently to before. Now as I sit here, it’s an ache rather than pain, but I can’t bite using my front teeth as it hurts. Still no ulcers though, so pleased about that.
I cheered up after big hugs last night, but feel a bit gloomy again today. Time to throw myself into work and ignore it, I guess. That’s what I do best.