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Ain't no stopping me now…

I’m on the move…

Well, what can I say. The PMA is back with a vengance and I’ve had another great day! I woke at 8am and could see the sun was shining through the blind.

I stuck to my plan of getting at least one bag or box cleared and put away. In fact I did several. And admin. And I decided that today would be the day that I would venture out. On my own. For the first time since Christmas. For a variety of reasons, I haven’t done so. A mixture of feeling poorly, not being able to drive, not being able to walk properly, dizzy spells etc. I have only been out accompanied and I decided as the mobility is improving a little, it’s time.

So, off I went on the bus. Narrowly escaping having to watch Star Wars with the boy who returned earlier than I expected. (See even more blessings!). The bus stop is just round the corner and no sooner had I arrived, than it did. £1.00 for me to ‘hop on and off all day’ (stooooop it!) and I was off. Lovely lady for me to natter to a bit. 5 minutes and I was at the Dolphin Centre. My only objective being buying bread really. In M&S cos I didn’t want to wander too far on my first excursion. Now have discovered they do bread in Wilkos as well. And Greggs now I think of it but that’s out the other doors and for today, that was out of bounds.

2 new hats and a T-shirt from Primarni. A card. Mascara. The bread (and some chocolate raisins for the boy) from M&S and 3 bags of crisps (also for the boy). A browse in Next, Animal, the candle shop and Wilkos and I was ready for a hot chocolate in BBs. Wandered back out to the bus and it pulled up. All was perfect. I did the rest of the circular route and am delighted to report I can get pretty much everywhere I want and need to very easily. It’s only 1 mile walk from home into town but for now I am pretty sure I couldn’t do that and any walking on top. And on the way home, I met the same nice old lady who was on the way there. Perhaps we will be bus buddies!!!

At 35, it does feel more than weird to be excited about getting a bus and going to town on my own. But that’s life at the moment and it’s fun. I need to get out more. And I am going to.

While my heart beats

Today I seem to have been ranting about all sorts. I am in a good mood and feel ok. But I have kinda enjoyed being a grumpy old woman. The stupid eejit doing donuts in the car park across the road got called a (willy, but ruder) on facebook. I whinged about 2 programmes being on tonight at the same time (until Becster reminded me about ‘+1’ channels on Sky. Huzzah for her and Sky). And I went to town about a telesales call I had where I have asked them numerous times to stop calling and emailing.

But so many wonderful things have happened, too. I got the fry up spot on for the boy before he went on his trip. He arrived safely and is no doubt scoffing again (Chinese, I predict) and on his way to being merry with Pops. Brill.

I received email and messages today that have moved me. Really moved me. From people I do and don’t know. They reminded me again that the world is full of wonderful people.

I feel good. I feel humbled.

And I sit here now and think of the email from Mummy a few days ago that told me that people in Africa are praying for me.

I was brought up a Catholic, though I don’t practice any faith now. I am truly humbled and honoured by anyone who wishes me well in any way. This story is worth telling about how people in Africa are praying for lil old me.

One of my best friends as a child was Tania. We used to go to school together and she was from a pretty affluent family. We used to spend hours playing in their lovely house. Things I remember most were the playroom and the garden. In the playroom, we used to give those sofas some hell, I can tell you jumping all over them and flipping them over on occasion. We did girl stuff and we made angels in the snow. Generally a great time was had by all.

Tania and her family were Catholic, too and we all attended St Swithuns in Yateley, where I grew up. Father Carroll was the fat jolly priest in those days. It was a fairly serious church and the mass was yawntastic for my childlike mind. I used to be able to say everything without thinking. I didn’t realise at the time, but the sound of the bells and the smell of incense would stay with me forever. I find it very comforting to be in a church even now. Especially that one.

I did however spend most of the time looking to see if there were any good looking boys. Obviously this was probably by the time I got to a suitable age. Like 4 or something. Ha.

Anyway. Tania’s elder brother was delish and you cannot imagine my delight when he broke his leg and started wearing shorts all the time due to the plaster. Of course, I didn’t give his discomfort a second thought at the time! Church was a joy for quite some time.

Sean went to the same school as my stinky brother. I didn’t really know him (Sean, not stinker). But he looked so fine and he was always nice to me. I can’t remember any conversation with him. It was the shorts. And the HUGE wooden Rosary he had in his room that I remember. I can’t remember why I knew about that. He was much older and we never used to ‘play’. I can’t remember anything else about his room. Or much of the rest of the house to be honest. I can’t remember whether I was allowed in his room or whether I had sneaked a peek one day out of curiosity much the same as I do with bathroom cabinets (sometimes!).

He was a good man. One of the best.

He died on 2nd January 1993. Bloody hell. That long ago.

He was shot dead in Somalia by a hired gunman.

He was working for UNICEF at the time. He was known to be outspoken and just wouldn’t put up with things being ‘ok’ or ‘not ok’. He had to make things happen and change what he could to improve life for others. He fought (peacefully) for what he believed in. And it lost him his life. He was younger than I am now.

He was and is still known for saying ““While my heart beats, I have to do what I think I can do – and that is to help those that are less fortunate”

I think about him often and he inspires me. He lived an extraordinary life. He was an extraordinay man.

There is a charity that has been set up for years and his work continues. I know he will be chuffed at that. Mummy is involved with it, and the church and I love that. People around me now are helping me so much while I am here. And those close to me and I guess those that read this blog know that I have done a bit for charity but I don’t wish for my own charity or legacy. I have never done anything for this charity before but this is my way of making people know it exists, and perhaps providing more inspiration for the PMA crew who follow me. It inspires me more than I have ever said.

The charity is the reason these people so much less fortunate than me all the way over in Africa are praying for me. I thank you.

And every one of you that even fleetingly thinks of me and thinks something nice. Thank you.

What a fabulous day I'm having

I woke to brilliant sunshine for the first time since arriving here. How fabulous – just as I imagined it would be. Nearly blinded by the light off the sea. Fantastic.

Then I had a feeling my legs felt better than for ages. I was right, I NEARLY got up from a chair without arms aiding me.

Then I went shopping with Neil for homely bits and legs were fine. In fact the rest of me was fine, too. Except the wallet maybe a teensy bit.

And I called the Cancer Centre in a flap to get some more chemo tablets and they said I have a week off. Yippee. Not that I have side effects so far (did I mention that!?) (from them, anyway!). 2 weeks on and 1 off. Still got to take the steroids, but only 2 a day and definitely sticking with the Cod Liver Oil and Lansoprazole but I have gone from 21 tablets a day to 3 for this week.

I really should go get a scratch card, huh?!

Nearly 18,500 views

Wow, you buggers are nosey! Just noticed.

Thank you for all the comments. I can’t respond to everyone on here – I think I said that way back in an earlier post, but I do read them all and absorb and take on board and appreciate and often laugh and smile and occasionally weep.

If you want a reply, please say and I will email you privately – I get your email privately, so no need to post.


I'm gonna be better soon…

I called Chakkers today. Mainly because I am running out of meds and don’t have an appointment til next week. But had a good chat with him. I’m already down to 2 steroids a day and it looks like another week and I may me off them. Hip doody. I hope so. Then my face can stop being a Moonpig and I won’t be giving the International Moustache Competition and entry form. But most of all my legs might get going again. I can’t tell you how awesome that would be.

Chakkers reckons the legs thing is a mixture of the aftermath of radio and the steroids. Clearly both essential but also take a few weeks to wear off after treatment.

I accept it, but having been so fiercely independent and capable for 35 years, it’s hard.

(there was more to this yesterday, but is disappeared and I can’t rememeber what I wrote. Waffle prolly. If I think of anything I missed, I’ll repost seperately.


Went to take my second lot of meds and realised I hadn’t taken this mornings! Maybe my head is full of excitement of moving in. I love it here already although still lots to do, things to put away. Maybe I should get on with that instead of typing this. But I am so happy that physically I feel quite good after moving, I don’t want to overdo it. But I’m also impatient. A hard balance to strike!


I sit here now in my new front room with a BIG smile. The sun is streaming through the window and the lounge looks vaguely up together. Most of the kitchen is put away. The bathroom looks clean and tidy. The bed has a gorgeous man sleeping in it. The world is fabulous. We won’t mention the spare room at this juncture.

I am so grateful to Neil, SJ, Becs, Geoff, Dave (JOHN!) who ran around taking orders. Great to have such lovely friends and BIG thanks to those who offerered. Helen excelled herself by making it so that we arrived to bubbled on the doorstep. Big smiles at that, too.

Move Smooth were brilliant at co-ordinating the transport for getting everything moved. If you’re gonna move residentially, or business wise, I highly recommend them.

Just got to find and write the Valentines card now before the beauty awakes and I am found out!

How do you get over THAT?

People tell me that my story and attitude is inspirational. I appreciate it but I honestly think you do what you do when faced with something. I don’t know any other way.

And then I contradict myself.

Someone emailed me about someone they’d met at a networking a breakfast who’d lost their husband in the 9/11 disaster. She was 7 months pregnant at the time.

How the HELL do you start to get on with life then?

There is inspirational all around. Stop whinging about the stupid stuff. Or whinge a lot and then laugh at yourself. Yeah. That sounds better….can’t be serious all the time. Or even much of the time.

Ooh we might burn in hell but I did laugh

I woke up in the night wondering if it might me a nice thing to do to visit Lourdes with my Mum. I know very little about the place apart from lots of religious and hopeful sick people go there. My mum is religious and I wondered if it might be a nice thing to do together. Maybe visitig elsewhere with Daddy separately as he is not religious. Well neither am I, but that’s not the point.

Anyway, dropped Mum an email about it to gauge reaction. Names not being named and tales not being told, we have decided that it would be akin to a trip to Blackpool with postcards of Jesus that wink at you if you hold the angle right, and the Virgin Mary through the rock.

Kiss me quick hat, anyone?


Oh my jolly-oh. Nasal hair now. Long white ones. I think I might be turning into Santa. Or Satan as I nearly just typed. Either way, I’m doooooooooooooomed. Dooooooooooomed I tell thee.